Thursday, March 27, 2014

Sleeping Bags

If I were a sleeping bag, I think I would be a really good one. For starters I'd be waterproof, but with a semi-permeable membrane so I didn't make you sweaty. I would probably make a bit of an effort to build up a cushioned backside, to protect the ribs and vital organs from bear attacks, and maybe even work on developing some kind of "predator repelling smell", although I'm not sure what that would be. Predators fear other larger predators, so maybe the smell of a T-Rex would be the best possible deterrent unless they genuinely have discovered a larger carnivorous dinosaur in which case I could just switch. Developing the scent from the DNA of long extinct creatures would probably take time and money though, so perhaps I could launch with the promise of adding the predator repellent as a bonus extra in Mark II.
One of the other main disadvantages to conventional sleeping bags is their well-known "guff sealing quality", so I think some kind of battery driven irrigation system might be in order, perhaps with an extractor hood and a timer to ensure fast and discrete uptake.
Seagulls are notorious for targeting sleeping bags and tearing them open to reveal the tender pink meat inside, so I think I would consider a foil-based outer wrapping as seagulls are violently allergic to foil. B.T.I. or Blue Tit Infestation may of course prove to be a side-effect of the foil-wrapping, but frankly I will cross that bridge when I come to it. Blue tits are purportedly nearing extinction anyway and, unless Dairy Crest experience a massive upsurge in the desire for doorstep deliveries of full-fat milk, I can't see the situation improving any time soon.

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2 Comments:

Blogger Retro LadyLand... said...

What drug do you smoke?

10:59 AM  
Blogger Retro Ladyland said...

I have nominated you for an award!!! Ahhhhh

5:21 AM  

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